i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize