awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
