his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
