It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
