I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
