Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
