Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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