That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
