NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
