Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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