My sheets look like a crime scene.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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