3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
