Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
