Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize