im drinking this country out of the recession.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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