Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Fuck appropriateness.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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