then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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