I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
