it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
