i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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