Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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