She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
