She is in my trunk
im having a threesome with these popsicles
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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