The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
