you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
