By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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