She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
did i just pee glitter
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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