We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
