I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
