Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
