I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
be right there i have to get my cape
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
