3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
