i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
This baby is an asshole
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
My bed smells like the plague
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
