if you like me you must not know who I am
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize