he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
