You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
