Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
