The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
