oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My dick has a subreddit
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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