You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
