Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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