Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
