So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
