brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
