now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
