Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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