i wish starbucks made bloody marys
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize