I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
