my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize