I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
