Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
