I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
