i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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