piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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