Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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