does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
