if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
