If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
