so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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