Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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