one two three fourrrrnication!
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
