You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
