As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
