So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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