we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
