Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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