Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize