you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize