Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
