bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
