I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
