i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
