Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I cut my penus on the lid.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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