NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize